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Tuesday, December 8, 2015

There's Nothing Worse Than

I vow to use the phrase 'there's nothing worse than' no fewer than 10 times throughout this post and then I'm laying it to rest. It's one of those phrases that we say and hear so often that we become immune to it. Dare I say cliche?

There I was watching television - not sure what was on and it's not important - and a commercial came on - not sure what for and it's not important. What is important is that the commercial began with the phrase 'there's nothing worse than' and was followed by something seriously trivial like not having the right creamer for your coffee. I'm a coffee drinker and I use creamer, and again, I don't remember the commercial at all, but suddenly that phrase rung out of the television like it was the first time I'd ever heard it.

Suddenly, I was angry with the writers of the commercial. I know their job is to create a sense of urgency and importance for their product. But seriously!? Nothing worse than hypothetically running out of creamer?

People are dying from natural and unnatural causes. We have ISIS, Donald Trump, street bombings, school shooting, random police killing unarmed citizens, mothers losing children, children having children, an educational crisis, poverty at home and abroad and you mean to tell me you can't think of anything worse than a creamer problem?

As a public school educator, I can come up with an easy laundry list of 'there's nothing worse than' statements that might hold up, and yet, there would still be SOMETHING worse than anything I put on my list. Heaven forbid we should actually experience a 'there's nothing worse than' moment - come face to face with the reality of something which has no superlative worse.

My current fixation on this particular phrase rest in a larger context of how loosely we use words and how often we fail to think before we speak.

We say things for the shock and awe. We have to one up the person's story we just heard. My gun is bigger and so's my d**k. So rather than simply examining the things we actually mean to say, we find a way to dress it up; sell it to closest available consumer. Well, I'm not buying.

Keep your big gun and big d**k. (Well, maybe not that second part - I ain't dead.) Keep your hypothetical creamer that there's nothing worse than running out of. And stop (politely) saying shyt that you don't mean or that doesn't mean anything.

There's nothing worse than saying shyt just because it sounds good.
There's nothing worse than promising to say something 10 times and realizing you said it 5.
There's nothing worse than having a perfectly sensible idea for a blog and getting so wound up in your emotions that you forget half of it.
There's nothing worse than waking up from a nap with peanut butter heartburn, which I did earlier.
There's nothing worse than not having the right creamer for your coffee.

Actually, there's a BUNCH of shyt worse than that last one which was what started this rant in the first place. More about that whole think before you speak thing in a later blog, but for now, please join me in burying the phrase 'there's nothing worse than' unless you are mentioning the apocalypse.