Sunday, November 30, 2008

Some Days

Some days I'm so in love it hurts. . . my eyes are crossed, I can't see straight
Some days the line blurs between who I've been, who I am and who I'm becoming
Those people don't feel like me.

This girl, with all her impulses to do right
This girl, who just wants to be helpful
This girl, who holds on to the last breath . . . . not realizing she might be turning blue.

Some days the urge is to build the wall
Some days the urge is to tear the wall down - barehanded - bruised - bleeding

Some days she can't let the love in
Because then she'll have to feel it
And sometimes feeling doesn't feel good at all

Somedays she walks backward
Along the path she made
And sees how far she's come

And some days
She stands completely still
Starring at the road ahead
Realizing how far there is to go

This girl . . . playing dress up in mother's shoes
This girl . . . wanting to be grown
This girl . . . saying bedtime prayers on her knees

Some days this girl knows . . . that she's not a girl anymore
And some days this woman wishes that she was.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Here Am I. Send me!

Isaiah 6: 5-8

5.
"Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."
6.
Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar.
7.
With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."
8.
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"


It seems that wherever I am, I am needed. It seems that I've arrived at just the right time to help; to get whatever place, whatever company, whatever cause - to the next level. For a while I wondered what it was about me that created that presence. Now I know, it's bigger than that.

I have an Isaiah spirit. I am sendable. I don't know if I've ever said it to God outloud or in prayer, but I've definitely opened myself up to His direction. Often I don't know how or why I wound up in a particular place. Not that I'm lost or anything. It's just that I have had an odd set of experiences for a person who is only 35.

Most recently, the event that occured that I found strange was that (through a temp agency) I went to work for a large, prominent church in Downtown Houston. I was sent here at a time in my life when I really needed some stability and I really needed to be around people who know how to love. What I didn't know was that, in addition to possibly saving my life, I would be gaining many skills that I would need for the next phase in my journey.

I met a man - who'd a thunk? Through my association and then relationship with this man, I became part of a new church plant (a start-up church). And to add to that, this man (my man) is on the track to become an Ordained Minister (already a local pastor). I've learned a lot about the business of running a church. It's been useful. Hopefully this will all pay off.

I'm interested in seeing where I will be sent next and in what way I will be able to serve God by serving others.