Wednesday, June 23, 2010

When I Need a Smile

Sometimes life is stressful. I know that comes as a surprise to some folks. I adopted the motto some time ago that I have enough necessary stress in my life so I avoid unnecessary stress whenever possible. Funny how even when I'm trying to avoid it - especially when I'm trying to avoid it - it finds me anyway.

Sometimes the stress is small - I can't find the belt to my dress. That happened this morning. But it shouldn't have caused me any stress at all. I couldn't find the belt to this same dress last week when I wore it.

Sometimes the stress is big - my youngest daughter saying mean and derogetory things to her brother. That happened last night, but I just heard about it this morning. I imagine this would cause me some stress if the remarks had been directed toward one of her older sisters - they've been going back and forth at each other for a long time. I've already written it off because I heard it happening both ways and I know it's usually a matter of steel sharpening steel. But now - it's her brother - who is not only 6, but also has only been her brother for a little over a year. He doesn't have the benefit of knowing (or at least believing) that she's not trying to hurt him. Nor do I have the complete confidence that she wasn't, in that instance, just being mean (which I've seen from time to time.) Adding to the stress is that the report came from my husband about his biological son and his non-biological daughter. And my hyper-sensitive ears can't help but hear the report as "your daughter is bullying my son."

Not exactly the best way to start the morning . . .Funny, I was in a perfectly excellent mood up till that moment.

Anyway - although I left home frustrated, with a lump in my heart and in my throat - I was (am) determined to not let the rest of the day stay in the toilet.

One of the things I do when I am having a bad day is look at pictures of happier times. Through the beauty of the computer, I have access to photos from our engagement photo shoot, our wedding and multiple family outings - photos taken on happy days when everyone is smiling . . . and I remember that we have had some great days together. Also, since some of the photos are more recent than others and since I can recall days between those pictures that weren't always so wonderful - I know there is a certain ebb and flow. I know that better does exist.

In my quest toward happy memories this morning, I ran across this picture from our wedding. It was sort of a hidden gem . . . I'd forgotten it was taken. This picture shows a family that is happy and joyful. The woman in this picture is clearly in love with this man and the man in this picture is clearly happy about the life he is entering. There are a myriad of other emotions displayed by the other people in the picture, but mostly - people who love and support this man and this woman . . . .what a beautiful memory from a truly happy day.

Photobucket

This picture makes me smile. And it has added some sunshine to what started out as an overcast day. And lookie there - it's time for lunch . . . the day just keeps getting better!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Dorothy We're Not in Kansas Anymore

This week, my oldest daughter transferred from one of the highest academically ranking schools in our school district to one of the lowest academically ranking schools in our school district. She struggled with math in general beginning in ninth grade and specifically now, in her Junior year - Pre-Calculus and Physics (which is more math than science). Rather than continue to flounder in a situation that left her feeling unsuccessful and totally stressed out, she asked to be transfered to the school she is zoned to. Houston ISD does not allow more than one Magnet transfer per school year, so that really limited the selection process.

At her old school, she was just another smart kid. Afterall, because of the school rankings, the best and brightest from all over the city make their way there. The school is neat and orderly. There is one full-time police officer. The office is run efficiently. There is a uniform and it is actively adhered to. The children respect their teachers and listen in class - they know why they are there and they know what it takes to stay there. At the same time - there is a lot of pressure for success there. The competition is stiff. The work is challenging. Being there comes standard with a lot of sleepless nights trying to complete (often college-level) homework assignments. Leaving middle school it's where we all thought she needed to be. And we were right. She "fit" there.

At her new school . . . there are likely a lot of smart kids who don't yet know how smart they are. Or they've learned that is better to be cool than to be smart. Or they've learned that being street smart is better than being book smart. No one is beating down the doors to attend. They, in fact, are working hard to overcome the fact that they have one of the highest dropout statistics in the district. The office workers are very nice and polite. They do the best they can to point you in the right direction, but yesterday was the second day of school and my daughter was finally issued textbooks and does not yet have a locker assigned to hold them. The principal has instituted a uniform dress code and the children are not taking it well . . . it make take her longer than she plans to get it catch on. The school is neat and orderly - at least on the days when I visited it was. There are, I believe, 4 full time police officers on duty. They are not hard to find. My daughter says she saw two people get arrested on day one and she's told that is a regular occurence. There are pregnant students and students who are parents. My daughter knew the statistics surrounding these "kinds of events" and know she knows it up close. Dorothy we're not in Kansas anymore. She said she doesn't understand why so many conversations, no matter where they begin, end with a discussion on "doin' it." I'm glad these things come as a shock to her.

On the other hand, she has gotten the first restful, full-night's sleep that she's had in 3 years. Her spirit is lighter and she's smiling a lot more. She's a bit of mystery to the people at her new school - adults and children alike. She's always been a bit of mystery to me too. And I think she likes that about herself. She's very much her own person and not easily swayed, so I don't worry that her new daytime environment will engulf her. I do believe, though, that it will help to round her out and make her more in tuned to who she is.

Right now the people of Munchkin land just want to know who this girl is who fell out of the sky and landed in their city. She looks different. She talks different. She acts different. The trick will be finding out if they can point her towards Oz and if when she gets there she'll be able to show them that the big scary stuff they've all feared is just smoke and mirrors.